It's not all as it seems!
1. A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day. “In English a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”
A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right”.
2. Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening and the last thing they do is put their cat out. The taxi arrives but as the couple walk out of the house the cat scoots back in.
Terry returns inside to chase it out so Brenda, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, “My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”
Several minutes later an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, “Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!”